Waiting

"Time to have another one!" 

I can't quite remember when I first heard that line, but I remember it was earlier than I expected. I don't think Nate was even one yet. 

I was often a little surprised at how easily others shared their opinions regarding our family planning (even when I did agree with them), but I got much more used to hearing it as Nate turned one, then one and a half, now two.... Now I feel like anyone who doesn't explicitly know our reasoning, even strangers, are wondering (If not aloud) what is taking me so long.  

Even for those who do know about our pending foster certification, and that pregnancy would significantly delay or restart it, I am sure they wonder (if not aloud) whether that cost of waiting is worth it.   Sometimes I wonder the same thing myself.

 When we started out the foster certification process, taking those first steps of obedience in faith, I was perfectly content to wait a while. At the time I was exhausted, and had my hands quite full enough with my very busy little boy. Some days I still feel that way. But I had no idea that almost a year later, I would still be waiting with what seems like no end in sight. 

It's tough. For the record, I want a second kid too. I feel it on the days that my little guy and I can't seem to think of a single new thing to do to entertain ourselves. When his second birthday came and went without a sibling even on the way.  I feel it when a stranger tells me it's time for another one and all I can do is say "yep" and nod stupidly. And especially when our home study writer is taking twice as long as she's supposed to, and still felt the need to call and remind me how far she thinks we are from being able to get a placement, let alone adopting, and tell me to basically forget about it and get used to waiting. (Yeah, that happened last week, and it hurt...even if she really is misinformed or stretching the truth*).

I still believe the Lord still has his perfect timing. But that doesn't always make the waiting easy.

I know I haven't felt the ache of infertility or child loss as some have, but part of me still sometimes feels that following His leading in this way has meant a sacrifice of a biological child I might have had during this waiting... I know it doesn't really make sense. but don't you know enough about moms to know we have irrational thoughts sometimes, especially regarding our babies? (Pregnant gals, can I get an amen? ;) )

misguided or no, this verse gave hope to my weary soul this morning: 

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life."

It is worth the waiting, even if I can't see it yet.

*Just to clarify, we know that waiting and delays are practically the definition of foster care itself... But we always thought the home study and certification process would be relatively quick and easy in comparison!